


Starting over.

by MissAdler (JulesDizzy)



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-29
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2020-02-09 19:26:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18644560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JulesDizzy/pseuds/MissAdler
Summary: Captain America needs to let go.





	1. Let go.

**Author's Note:**

> Special Thanks to Lokiismyfavouriteavenger for beta-ing this when she should've done something different at the time.  
> I love you, you little crazy idiot <3

It had been six months since I had first met Steve Rogers. He had walked into my coffee shop and ordered pure black coffee. His look had been kind, but I had seen the tiredness in his eyes. Since we'd been the only two people in my coffee shop - a common scenario after half the population had vanished two years ago - we had started talking. He had not looked like the polished Captain America I'd seen on TV in 2012 with his light beard and no uniform, but jeans and t-shirt. When he had left I'd said my usual "come again soon", and he had smiled and said, "I might."

Six months later, after many late nights spent in my little coffee shop, we were friends, and I had even told him to come by my place anytime he wanted. I did not know where he lived, just that he was in New York frequently.  
It was a Friday night; I was watching some romcom on TV when I heard the doorbell. I paused the movie and went to the door, wondering who it could be. Curiously, I opened the door, and there he was: Steve, wearing a dark blue shirt and washed out jeans. He said nothing and looked as if he was holding back something. I stepped aside to let him in. "Are you okay?", I asked carefully. He looked at me like a lost puppy. "Oh my", I whispered and took him by the hand to lead him into the living room where I made him sit on my couch. He didn't talk, and it made me feel very uneasy.  
"Can you please say something, Steve?", I begged him. "I..it's all my fault...", he said, sounding all choked up. Without even thinking about it I swung myself on his lap, facing him. "What are you doing?", He asked. I did not answer but took a moment to look at him; then I kissed him on the forehead. "It's okay", I said, "you can let go now." I put my arms around him and buried my face in his neck. Slowly, he put his arms around me. I could feel how he hesitated, so I repeated myself. "It's okay, Steve." He exhaled and tightened his embrace. We sat like that for a few minutes in total silence. From where my head was resting, I could feel his pulse as it slowly calmed down.  
Then I felt something dripping onto my shirt, and I knew, I had given Steve the safe space he needed to cry. And he did, for what felt like a little eternity. We sat there, holding each other, and he just cried - no sobbing, just tears. Eventually, he let go of me, placing his hands on my waist, and I moved into an upright position. "Better?", I asked and wiped the remaining tears from his face. He nodded. It occurred to me that, probably, no one had ever seen him like this. We locked eyes and stared at each other for a bit, then he carefully laid one hand on the back of my head and pulled me down towards him. "Thank you", he whispered, and our lips met for a soft and gentle kiss. Steve tasted like sea salt and heaven, and he did not stop with one kiss. He put his other arm back around me, held me tightly and we kissed over and over again. My hands dug into his hair, helping me realise that this was real. I knew this was a way for him to cope with everything that had happened. We had spent enough nights talking about these things. After all that he'd been through he had become very open and honest, not seeing the use in lying or hiding one's thoughts. I did not mind that this had possibly nothing to do with romantic feelings, I had missed being desired by a man like this (and what a man he was!) for so long! And even though I felt very drawn to him, I had no illusions - he had given away his heart back in the 40s. But right now, I was sitting on Captain America's lap, making out and letting our bodies do the talking. And his body talked, it told me everything. His muscles were tensed as he pulled me close to his chest and when I slowly started to move my hip, I could feel his manhood harden underneath the zipper of his jeans. Gradually, he changed the position of both his hands, placing them on my back underneath my shirt. His hands were warm and surprisingly rough, but they gave me shivers nonetheless. I broke off our kisses to move my lips to his neck while intensifying the movement of my hips. Steve inhaled harshly and dug his fingernails into my back. Then he removed my shirt, which forced me to leave his neck alone. I took the opportunity and pulled his shirt off as well. The definition of his upper body muscles was unearthly. The sheer look of him made me breath harder - the lustful look in his deep blue eyes, the light stubble on his chin and the perfectly defined body combined with the taste, the smell, the feel of this man made me almost lose my senses.  
As soon as we both were shirtless his arms went around me again and with a sudden but flowing move he changed our positions. I was now lying underneath him, and it was his turn to move his hips, kiss my neck, push all of my buttons. On the other hand, it was now my turn to dig my nails into his back and breath harder every time I felt his bulge on my crotch. It was so hard to contain myself that I pulled his head down to me and whispered:  
"You need to get rid of those pants, Captain." He stopped moving, still panting, and looked at me. "What? Is something wrong?", I asked in confusion. "It's just...I never...", he started but didn't finish. "You never...?", I inquired. Steve looked at me, stared at me, his eyes begging me to understand - and I did. Of course! He had never had a woman in bed before. He had been an innocent virgin when they had made him into a super soldier. And ever since he had become Captain America, there had not been the right time - or the right woman. I slowly pulled him down to me again, kissed him softly and said: "Don't worry, Cap, just get out of those pants." I grabbed his butt, making him smirk. "Naughty girl", he whispered, his voice dark and deep and not at all innocent. He got up of the couch and started to undo his pants. This was the first time I could take a good look at his bulge - it was quite large, and I was thinking about taking care of him before he would take care of me. Once Steve had taken off the jeans, I was even more intrigued by what I saw. "Why not take it all off, Cap", I said while sitting up. Before he could do anything to stop me, I pulled down his boxers and was rewarded with the sight of his hard throbbing cock. Gently, I placed a kiss on his shaft. From Steve's reaction, it was apparent that no one had ever tasted his manhood, but I was thirsty, so I slowly and steadily took it all in. With great pleasure, I started sucking, licking, playing with him. Steve rested his hands on my head, gripping my hair tightly every time my lips moved over his glans. The longer I played with his cock, the louder his moaning became. When I felt him getting closer, I drew back and looked up at him. He was not going to finish just yet. "Damn", he said, panting heavily. I smirked. "Language, Captain!" I got up, on my tiptoes, took his face into my hands and pulled him into a hot kiss. His hands went over my back down to my hips, and he dug his thumbs into my waistband. I drew back my hands, and he crouched down to pull down my pants and panties. Carefully, he placed a kiss on my hipbone. And another one closer to my crotch. He was incredibly gentle, but also very passionate. I had the feeling that he was kind of shy - he was a virgin after all - but he still really wanted me, wanted this, needed this. "Sit" - kiss - "down" - kiss - "darling" - kiss.  
I did as I was told and sat down again. Steve started placing kisses on my thighs now, moving inward and spreading my legs while doing so. When he reached my centre, I laid back and enjoyed the feeling of his hot tongue on my clit. Even though this was his first time pleasing a woman like this, Steve was extremely good at it. He let his tongue play with my crotch, sucked and nibbled - and it drove me crazy. A part of me was sure that he was simply trying to delay the actual intercourse but on the other hand - "Oh my God, Captain, don't stop!" I felt him smile with satisfaction while he continued to bring me closer and closer and closer... "Dammit, Steve!", I exclaimed, followed by a long and uncontrolled moan as my body shivered at my climax underneath Steves incredibly talented tongue.  
Slowly, Steve drew back and looked up at me. "Language, Miss", he said smirking and gave me another kiss on the thigh. Then Steve placed one on my stomach, crawling upwards. He gently sucked on my left nipple and gave me a hickey on my neck. Suddenly, he was all over me again. I could feel his prick laying on my stomach, but not for long. Our lips met again as he took his erection and carefully slid inside me. Steve did not allow me to moan or gasp or sigh - he kissed me fiercely, passionately, harshly. It was as if the last bit of shyness had fallen off of him. His hips started to move rhythmically, thrust after thrust after thrust. I could feel all of him - his breath, the sweat on his skin, the tenseness of his muscles. He was everything I felt, everything that existed. Steve moved faster, and he broke away from my lips to let out a deep grunt. "Captain", I moaned, "fuck me!" It drove him crazy; I could see it in his eyes. His thrusts got harder, no more gently passion; he was an unleashed wild beast now. He was also no longer silent, but let out a very hot and dangerous sound with every time he crashed into me. I enjoyed seeing him - feeling him - like this. Not contained, but wild and out of control. I enjoyed the feeling of his thick hard cock inside me, fuck, I loved that feeling. "More", I begged him, and he moved even faster. Steve's eyes were closed now, his thrusts hard and deep. He fucked me like no one ever had, his body was a hot and sweaty machine that seemed to be made for this. "Oh...my...God", he groaned between the heavy breaths, as he finally unloaded himself inside me. 

Steve collapsed on top of me, still panting. I had to try and push him up after a few seconds because I had trouble breathing under his weight. "Oh, sorry", he muttered grinning and rolled off of me - and took my hand. "Thank you", he said, breathing almost normal again. I sat up and looked at him. His body was covered in sweat, and so was his hair. I leaned down to kiss him on the cheek but he turned his head, and my kiss landed on his tasty soft lips. At first, it was an accidental kiss, but Steve gently dug his hand in my hair and turned the kiss into a very intentional one. "You can stay the night if you want", I said in a low voice. He nodded and smiled. It was different than when he usually smiled. This time there was no darkness left in his eyes, he smiled from the inside. "Come on", I said, gave him a quick kiss, an got up. Steve followed my lead, still holding my hand, and we went into the bathroom. I was lucky to have a large shower, so we both could get in at the same time. I turned on the water and put my arms around him. We stood there for a while, the warm water running over us.  
When we got out of the shower, I caught Steve looking at me as if he wanted to tell me something but didn't dare to do so. We both dried ourselves, and he kept glancing over at me when he thought I didn't see. I decided not to pressure him. I had already seen him cry and turn into a sex machine tonight, that was enough. 

We spent the night in my bed, cuddled up under the blanket and only wearing underwear. His skin was hot, and his embrace was tight. I had never slept as good as in his arms. It seemed to be the safest place on this earth. In the morning, I was still curled up in his arms. I was awake but had my eyes still closed, so Steve must've thought that I was still asleep when he whispered: "My little coffee bean, how I love you."


	2. Give in.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Picks up where the first ended.   
> No smut, only fluff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one just happened. I didn't plan it, I just felt it. Like love, I guess.

The rain hammered against the windows, as we spent the morning sharing a cup of coffee in silence. Steve and I sat at my dinner table. I was clutching my coffee mug and felt very uneasy. He had no idea I had heard him earlier - when he had called me his little coffee bean. He hadn't held eye contact with me for more than a second all morning. I asked myself if I should bring it up, but I just didn't feel like it was a good idea. So I just looked past him out the window. It was a rainy day, and that was exactly how it felt inside my apartment. From the corner of my eye, I could see Steve check the watch on his wrist. "It's half past seven", he said, "I should leave." "Already?", I asked a little disappointed. "Yes, and you have to get to the coffee shop, don't you?" "In an hour, Steve, I still have time." My voice cracked a little, so I stopped talking.   
Even though Steve did not look at me, but at his coffee mug, I could tell that he did not want to leave. "I should check in with Nat", he said and got up. I nodded and looked back out the window. "Of course", I murmured. Steve leaned forward and lightly kissed my forehead. "I'll see you around", he said, looking into my eyes for the first time this morning. I nodded again. "Yes. Take care", I answered weakly. Then he was out the door faster than I thought possible. As the door flew shut, I felt my heart sink. Such a wonderful night followed by such an awkward, alienated morning. I sighed and decided to make it through the day and roll up in my blanket tonight.

On my way to the coffee shop, I wondered when I would see Steve again. And how that would be. And how I should act. Somehow, I couldn't get his voice out of my mind. "My little coffee bean, how I love you." It kept repeating and repeating itself in my head. Last night, he had held me like I was the most precious thing in the world. And after we had gotten up, he had immediately distanced himself from me. No touching, no looking at me, no brushing me with his hands. I would've killed to know what went on in that gorgeous man's mind.   
The day went by excruciatingly slow. Only three customers came in, and I spent most of the day writing endless texts in the leather-bound notebook I carried around. All day long, I felt like I needed to pour my emotions onto the pages, filling them with uncertainty and longing, fear and helplessness. And anger, though I did my best to shove that away whenever it tried to take over. At first, I had just been worried, but over the course of the day, I had felt more and more mad at him. The way he made me feel, the way he had taken over my every thought, the fact that I didn’t know when I would see him again – it all fuelled a fire within me that I didn’t even know existed.   
When the sun had set (not that I had seen it throughout the day), I decided to close up the shop and pursue my rolling-up-in-a-blanket plans. Just as I had finished everything up, fiddling around in my purse, I heard the door go. I looked up - and froze. It was Steve, wet from head to toe; his soaked leather jacked shining in the dimmed light of the ceiling lamps. I looked at him and immediately felt completely overwhelmed. I looked down at the counter where my notebook lay and mentally went through all the things I had written down today. And it all came back at once: the anger, the sadness, the stinging, searing pain from when he had left this morning. Before I could do anything to stop it, tears came to my eyes. I took the notebook and shoved it into my bag. Then I took a deep breath and wiped my eyes – these tears were not allowed to run down my face just yet.  
When I laid my eyes back on him, he was still standing the same place, right at the door, running his hand through his drenched hair. With a sigh, I walked around the counter and towards him, holding eye contact with him. When I stopped only inches away from him, I finally said something. "And, did you check in with Nat?" I sounded more sarcastic than I had meant to. "Ouch", Steve whispered and put one hand to his heart, as if I had shot him. He smiled crookedly, and I felt a sharp sting in my heart. "Steve, I -" "No, no, you're right. I deserved that." Carefully, he pushed a stray strain of hair behind my ear. “I’m sorry”, he went on, “I shouldn’t have left as I did this morning.” “Then why did you?”, I asked in response. “I guess, I was overwhelmed”, he said and quickly added: “By everything.” “Overwhelmed, huh?” I knew there was more, but this was not the place to discuss it. Also, the way he looked at me had calmed my anger down. The way he looked at me would’ve calmed Thanos down. "I know you will probably not get sick, but we still need to get you out of those wet clothes." "Are you trying to undress me again?" His whimsical smile made my heart jump. I grinned back at him and punched him on the arm. "Come one, Stupid, let's get you home." 

The ride home on Steve's motorbike was thrilling, but also very cold and wet. By the time we parked, I was equally as soaked as he was. We hurried to get inside, where he took off his jacket and revealed that he was wearing a white shirt underneath - a very wet and therefore now transparent white shirt. Out of nowhere, he moved close to me and leaned down to place a kiss on my cheek. "Don't look at me like I'm fair game", he whispered into my ear. I shuddered and had to take a deep breath. That man was driving me crazy, and I loved it. "You should probably take a shower", I proposed. Steve laughed. "Again?" I sighed. "How old are you?" He grinned at me. "102." I sighed again. "Well, I need to shower, and I'm not going to take you with me - again." I was a little proud of how determined that had sounded. In reality, I would have loved to take him with me. All I wanted, was him around. He looked a little disappointed, but I did not give in to it. "I'm sorry, Cap, but we need to sort things out first. I'll get you a towel." I kissed him on the cheek and hurried into the bathroom.   
After I had showered and put on some dry, comfortable clothes, I went back into the living room. Steve was standing by the window, looking out into the darkness. He was still wearing his wet jeans, but no shirt. "You wanna keep those soggy pants on?", I asked as I walked in. He turned around, and I couldn't help but glance at his naked chest. "So, you do want to undress me", he said and came over to me. Slowly, Steve put his arms around me and pulled me into a hug. His skin was hot and soft and smelled like rain. "I missed you", I said. He pressed his lips on my head and answered: "I missed you, too."   
I gently pulled out of his embrace and looked right into his eyes. "I heard you." "What?" He looked confused. "I heard you", I repeated, "I was awake." He took a step back. It was a defending move, I knew, but I had to talk about this now. "You heard me", he said. It was not a question but a statement. I nodded and reached for his hand. "I never knew, Steve, I always thought that Peggy was your only one." "So did I", he said, his voice low and rough. He turned around and went back to the window, letting go of my hand. "But Peggy is no longer here, Steve." "She is for me. She’ll always be." I joined him by the window and said: "You believe there's only one real love for each of us." "Yes, I do." "But you are 102 years old, maybe that changes the rules." He looked at me for a moment. "Steve, what you feel now does not invalidate what you felt for Peggy." I softly brushed his cheek with my thumb. "Don't let the past get it the way of your future." The twitch of a smile rushed over his face. "That's what Nat said." “You talked to Nat about this?” I was a little thrown off for a second, but then I remembered that Natasha had been his friend for over a decade now and if he was going to ask someone about emotional issues, it would be her. So I said: “Of course you talked to her. I’m sorry.” He turned towards me and laid a hand on my cheek. It felt warm and rough. “I feel like it’s not right to” – he took a deep breath – “to love you.” “You should not reserve your love for only one person. The world needs love, now more than ever, and you shouldn’t feel bad because your heart found another home.” Gently, he touched his forehead to mine. “Give in to it, Steve, please”, I whispered. He took my hand and placed it on his chest, right over his heart. It was racing, beating fast and hard against his rib cage. “I’m trying”, he answered and slowly, we melted into a kiss.


End file.
